[

Feeling:

|

full

]

COLLEGE DAY, j2s only had 3 lectures, out of which I only went for 1.
Street market was quite good, tonnes of food manz hahah. I had milo ice popsicle, Ikea hotdog, fried shrimp wanton, chocolate muffin, kacang puteh, HAHA. I live to eat. Slacked around with my class people after that solving stupid riddles heh :)

Wanted to go for the college day ceremony cos Alwin was receiving the Jacob Ballas Award, and so was Krist and Hidayah! But I couldn't find anyone to go with or anyone else who was willing to go and I got really frustrated/upset. So much so that i had to call DEBBIEEEE in the WII room hahahah and she made me laugh so so much. Idiotzxz. Hahaha. Thanks though, you retard :)

And.. THANK GOD! (: I found Mona and Anna! My OCIP buddies. Whoa I was SO relieved, you have no idea (: Had fun talking to them and we managed to sit together :D The entire ceremony was pretty good, we got so inspired by the several distinction holders and we felt goosebumps just watching the video/hearing the speech by Yijie for the j3s that we promised to do well enough to come back here next year too! :D And the two old boys from the board of governors who led the closing songs (The school song and Glory Glory Halleluia) were SO enthusiastic despite them being in their 50s! Twas really cute just seeing them sing with so much gusto :) 

I think Saints in the past were so much more proud of their school than we are now, looking at how much pride the alumni led the Saints cheer with earlier. Hahah I know I've been complaining so much about SA but today, I suddenly felt really proud to be a Saint; After watching the video on the rich history of SA. Nevermind all the negativity I harbour for the school and its several inadequacies, at the end of the day, what really counts, or what I really want to remember would be the positive aspects.

One family Unbroken
Up and On!
:D

Congrats to all prize winners too! Totally deserving :) Arvin took home virtually every prize he could've possibly taken; Top in science faculty, top in H2 math chem physics, house councillor award! I'm so proud to have him as my classmate HAHAHA.

And Mr Khoo told me personally that because of me, he's not letting the j1s go for OCIP.. For fear they might languish in their abilities to improve. Like me.
=( Ahhhh, if only, if only.
But OCIP is something I have no regrets about.
=)

And getting stood up is such a horrible feeling really.
Karmaaaa I'm guessing. Though this time it's to a larger extent.
AHWELLZ. At least now I know better.
Thanks alot.
(Sorry, I'm still sore)

moderndysphoria

HEAVY

I can't see my toes.

Where my stomach is supposed to be I now have a huge sac, bulging, swollen and vulgar beyond belief. My bellybutton is staring at me menacingly, a knot of turgid flesh threatening to uncork itself at any time. To think there's a baby in there. How the hell did that even happen?

I've got to sit down. There's a niggling ache in my back that won't go away from the weight of the awkward protrusion. Maybe if he'd stuck around the heaviness would be more bearable, but it was just like him to leave. Just when I thought maybe, just maybe this time it would end differently, maybe this time it wouldn't end at all, he goes and gets me into this mess and vanishes like it's got nothing to do with him, it's none of his business. And the worst part is that he's so good at making me feel like it's all my fault, like I wanted this. But now's not really the time to go about pointing fingers, is it? There's a baby inside me, nestled all safe and snug like a little angel inside this ugly layer of raw flesh.

I get really scared thinking about giving birth sometimes. In a few months, this supposedly innocent being is going to burst out of me in a fit of angry rage for being cooped up in my belly for so long, and then what am I going to do? It's going to be screaming at me day and night, reminding me that I'm alone and I'm pathetic and this burden will never be lifted off my shoulders, that I'm cursed with this terrible weight forever. At least then the heaviness won't be housed inside me(or so I'd like to think).

But then there are times when I'm just sad, reduced to fat, heavy tears of desolation, and that's when I let the weight of my heart sink down, down, down. Down past my lungs, down past my spine and gut, down into my womb. And then I hear it. It's really faint at first, you have to strain your ears to hear it but once you do you know it's not in your head, it's actually there. Like the quiet ticking of a pure gold wristwatch it is steady and strong, and it beats in total unison with the heavy beating of my heart. It's like my baby is trying to tell me, "no matter what happens, you'll always have me. It's just you and me." Just. You. And. Me.

I stroke the skin of my stomach gently, fingers tracing invisible circles around my navel and into my flesh. My baby kicks at my hand gently, acknowledging the love that is streaming down my face, staining my T-shirt in neat little specks. There's a baby inside me! A living, breathing baby.

And you know what, baby? You're not heavy at all.



**This is my entry for the 1st week of July in brigits_flame, a community that holds monthly competitions for budding writers and the like. The topic is "Heavy".